Shown in Compétition #1.
A roll of film is not a successful conduit for grief.
Texte du comité de sélection
An angry, intimate, homage to American filmmaker and Collectif Jeune Cinéma member Robert Todd, who passed away in 2018.
What is the starting point for your film?
In 2018, in honor of the recent death of filmmaker Robert Todd, filmmakers were asked if they wanted to shoot a roll of 16mm film that would be played at his memorial. Since Rob and I were close friends and collaborators, it made sense to me to try to connect with him, one more time, in this way. While shooting the roll of film only a month after his passing, I put a lot of pressure on myself, I was deep in grief, and I had no patience. I shot the film and sent the roll to Boston. All of the films were shown on loop at the memorial, but I kept missing my film. I didn’t see it until almost a year later when I finally got the negative back and had it transferred. When I was finally able to watch it, all of the intense emotions came back to me and I knew I wanted to make a film that contrasted the surface of the grieving process with its frightening and ugly depth.
What techniques did you use when making I Can’t?
I shot one roll of 16mm film. What you see in I can’t is exactly what I shot, in order, on that day. As I played back the film in Premiere Pro, I would stop it and add my thoughts, memories, and feelings as text on screen.
How long did it take you to complete?
About a year and a half. I shot the film, didn’t see it for a year, edited it in the Fall of 2019 and then finally worked up the courage to share it in early 2020.